2011 Interlude: Hurricane Irene, Chicken Little and the Tough Turk


A view of Hurricane Irene from space

If the sound of shivering could be made into sound, that was what was emanating from my purse as the chorus of little dancing lady puppets huddled together upon hearing the sound of the tropical storm outside.  “Will we,” one meek voice ventured, “blow away if you go outside? Is the story of Chicken Little right, that the sky IS falling?”  The night was Sunday, the date was 2011 and the place was New England.  Hurricane Irene had hit, and while her hit was strong yet under-whelming in the form of damage in our area of New England, others were hit very hard.  We were lucky, I learned the next day.  Large, ancient trees were down all over the neighborhood, loosened by the extra rain of the summer and the intense winds.

Karagöz was paying those little ladies no mind.  Whipping it up in the wind, he was thrilled to be engaged in his usual shrieking-while-twirling activities – the wind and the rain only egged him on.  He was hanging out on the porch with M. and our dear friend’s son, also an intrepid mangal-maniac, M2, who were debating the best way to break out the mangal (BBQ) in the midst of all the rain and wind.  The various solutions discussed included underneath the porch in a mud-filled area, or under an umbrellla on the porch.  In the end, the latter won out, and we were treated to delicious, hand-made spicy sausages along with grilled zuccini and red pepepr.

The magic, anti-hurricane mangal-starting device (proof that it works even in a hurricane!)

Hacivad looked on from inside the window, perched on the windowsill between the orchids, he appeared to be meditating in favor of no sparks in the house, reciting the following from his favorite Rumi, over and over “move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. Live in silence. Flow down and down in always widening rings of being.”

I prayed that our neighbors would not be upset that we were grilling on the deck – which I think may be illegal in these parts.  Once a shower of sparks started to blow in the wind towards our neighbors’ house, I went inside to join Hacivad and to put the final touches on the dinner table for our hurricane party.

I joked with friends the day before, that it was perhaps cross-cultural differences that had driven our hurricane-preparedness response as a couple.  Me, the intrepid Yankee who has lived through several major storms in her life, went straight for the candles, batteries, flashlights, canned food, water and packaged milk.  I planned a few days worth of menus that could be kept out of the fridge (aka meat and dairy free) so that they would not spoil.  As the grilling was going on outside, the kitchen was set, with great big bowls of handmade pasta pesto and zuccini, smoked paprika and lemon potato salad and sesame-soy buckwheat noodles with cilantro and shredded vegetables along with garlic-sauteed tofu. After seeing that all of my hurricane-proof food was in order, supervised by the pleasant and pleased tut-tutting and cluck-clucking of Kenne and Khadijah, who fully approved of my efforts as the matron of the home, I checked to make sure the basement still had no water coming in.  So far, so good, dry as a bone.

M., on the other hand, the self-declared “tough Turk” to my “chicken little” of “the sky is falling fame,” was whooping it up with great gales of laughter along with M2, and of course, unknowingly, Karagöz, who was loving every minute of the joking and laughing, most of which, as far as I understood, contained many references to “the Laz people” or the much-maligned Turks of the Black Sea region who are known to do many a dumb thing…I neglected to point out that grilling on the deck in a hurricane with sparks flying over the the neighbors might be just such a thing…

M.’s approach to hurricane preparedness had been the opposite of mine.  M. had sauntered around the supermarket making fun of all the harried hurricane preparers.  I tried to pretend that I did not know him as he cried out in mock sotto voce “the world is coming to an end with the Hurricane – quick – buy up all the water! Oh, and the tinned peaches too!”  As he amped and vamped down the aisles, generally freaking out all that he came across, and causing them to load even more water and tinned peaches into their overflowing carts, he did pick out a few things, namely, some lovely sparkling water in tiny portions, extra charcoal for the mangal, beer – and cash.  “It will not be such a big deal,” he announced, with pride, “don’t worry so much.  They sky will not fall, Ms. Chicken Little.”

Later that day, I commiserated with another friend in a cross-cultural marriage, whose African husband took a somewhat laissez-faire attitude to impending Irene.  Some days later, a day into living without power, he had asked whether there was enough baby food, to which I can imagine her response!  However, upon hearing from another friend, this time a Turkish woman with an American husband, I decided this was a gender dynamic, not a cultural one.  This woman had done all of the preparedness work – the American brushing off the potential horrors of the storm.  Kenne and Khadijah looked at me with sarcastic, sidelong glances – “are you really surprised that it is the women worrying about this? Hearth and home, m’lady, heart and home.”

A few days later, M. showed me scathing critiques in Milliyet, one of the large Turkish daily newspapers, ranting about the over-reporting and hype around Hurricane Irene and bragging that all of the Turkish stores and lokantas in New York City had remained open.  One man was quoted as saying that “the winds were like normal winds in Turkey, no big deal 74 MPH.”  M. explained this away with a snort “it’s sort of like a macho Laz person, they think they are the invincible tough Turk, maybe they need a little bit of Chicken Little too.”

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To burqini or not to burqini: A sea change floats my way


Another image of a burqini - an Islamic bathing suit with many names - burqini is the registered trademark from ahiida.com

…and there it was,  a young lady in her burqini, sweeping and swaying her way across the deck of the Kos Island-bound feribot I wrote about when I last saw you (you can catch up here). As we tried not to be too obvious in our examination of the art of walking in a burqini, M. and I felt rooted to the ground via our smooth, white plastic chairs that were bolted to the deck in all of their pseudo-modernist glory.

Our water bottles moved slightly back and forth on the table with the rhythm of the water.  I was reminded of how one’s eyes look at a tennis match, first here, then there, as the ball passes across the net.  This was, I realized, a metaphor for my own back and forth, to burqini, or not to burqini?  This was my question, my question of the hour.

Of course, Karagöz was there to rhyme it up and egg me on.  “Do it, blue it, they will boo it! Whee-hooo!”  And, of course, the chorus of dancing ladies commenced their “cluck-clucking” and “tut-tutting,” from the confines of the purse.  Kenne, now joined by Khadijah on my right shoulder, was busily ensconced in some needlework and ignored the whole curfuffle.  From the corner of my eye, I could see that the two little ladies were working on opposite ends of some large piece of fabric, embroidering up a storm.

Shooting them a thought with my eyes, as I knew they could read my mind, I said “you ladies, are, umm, awfully busy today?  Doesn’t the rocking of the feribot make you a bit ill?  Sort of like reading in a car?”  Kenne just waved her hand in dismissal, quipping “just enjoy your time in Kos, we’ll show you what we have made on the way home tonight, dear/canim.”

Unaware of the lady side conversation, M. stopped complaining about his headache and breeze-born illness, and announced “I will never censor you.  I love you and once again, if you need to do this ‘burqini street theatre’ to put these snobby ladies in their place, be my guest.  I am not convinced that it will put them in their place, but if it helps you to feel better about you, ok.”  Now, most women faced with such a show of support from their man would be thrilled.  Why, then, did I feel so dismayed.  I delivered a big kiss and thanks, but felt a bit empty inside.

Once on Kos Island, we wound our way off of the harbor on a long, brick promontory towards town.  As we decided which direction to go, what to see and do first, I scanned the newspaper seller’s shop for English-language news.  After purchasing a much sought-after copy of the International Herald Tribune, my eyes zeroed in on the newsstand when I saw an old copy of the feminist magazine “BUST.”  This zine, in my opinion, embraces what I think of as an in-your face, third-wave feminist stance on all matters concerning women.

Rental bikes on Kos Island in Greece - a short hop across the sea from Bodrum

Somehow, after just seeing those magazines when I had left Turkey for the day helped me to re-center.  I realized I could – and should – just be myself despite my insecurities about my body AND be as respectful as possible to the situations I was in – without giving it all up, or needing to protest in a burqini street theatre extravaganza.  “Loser!” Karagoz cried with screeching fury, as soon as he heard my thought “fraidy-cat, wimp!”  He stormed off to the ferry, mortified that I would not spin with my own form of anti-establishment protest.    While the street theatre might have been a kick, I decided to leave well enough alone for now.  As my Granny always said, “pick your battles, and be courteous.” The dancing lady chorus sighed with approval.  Kenne and Khadijah just kept on sewing.  They even continued to sew as M. and I rented bicycles to toodle our way around the island a bit – now that’s a balancing act, sewing while biking.  As the day unfolded into our exploration of Greek Orthodox churches, cafes and the fuchsia flowers of Bougainvillea vines over whitewashed adobe-like structures, I temporarily forgot my call to burqinism and my lingering question.

Per the Textile Museum "Domestic embroidery, made for sale or personal use, accounted for a large percentage of all textile production in the Ottoman Empire. Both men and women embroidered." See http://www.textilemuseum.org/fsg/teachers/otmn_embrdry_frmset.html

As the late afternoon blue of water and sky sped by the feribot window, I felt full with sunshine and the fun of a day’s worth of exploring a new place. As we approached Bodrum harbor for our return, I could feel the frantic pace at which Kenne and Khadijah were sewing – what were they up to, anyway?  Khadijah answered with a hurried and a little bit tense sentence, saying “We are, m’lady, famous for our needlework and embroidery, don’t you know?”  “Yes,” Kenne said, cutting a bit of thread in her teeth as she rushed, “Ottoman embroidery is world-famous, and even our men get into the act, when it is time to sew with gold and pearls.

Before I could inquire further into the gender equity involved in 14th century embroidery, the feribot pulled into the harbor and we were instructed to prepare for passport control.  Forgetting about the mad sewing on my shoulder, I jumped off the boat, received my passport stamp and headed back through Bodrum town.   While I was already winding down towards binning my burqini street theatre plans, I did find that I looked somewhat lovingly at the Islamic bathing suits swaying in the breeze along the roadway.  They came in every imaginable color – pink, orange, tropical fish patterns – and the more demure black, grey and blue.  At one stall, I mustered up the courage to inquire about whether there were burqinis in my size.  The gentleman in question called over an English-speaking vendor who explained to me that he did not have burqini in my size “all gone,” he said apologetically, “all gone for summer.”  My fantasy of shocking the swim parade began to crumble a bit more just as Hacivad made his appearance with a softly-worded observation, “It is only a few more days that we will be here, yes?  Not too much more here to do in the gated community before striking out for more adventures in Anatolia.”

We hopped on the dolumuş  at the Bodrum Otogar, site of a previous escape, and I lapsed into my mind yet again.  Wishing for the pragmatism of my best friend, a stalwart Austrian feminist who generally doesn’t give a hoot nor holler what others think of her, I began to think my fabulous burqini-based street-theatre plan was for the birds.  Maybe, I thought, I should consider that this is my first meeting with M.’s family – diplomacy should perhaps prevail.  Maybe, just maybe, I should just stick to being me.  Arriving back home, a peace settled in, and I realized I was done with the burqini fantasy.  Not only because M. accepted me for who I was body-wise, or because it would potentially upset the familial apple cart (so to speak) – but because I realized that I was just me, and I was ok with that.  As Tasha Fierce pointed out in her recent essay, Sex and the Fat Girl: Subjectivity and Self-Image, “let a partner be a complement to your positive self-image, and not the key.”

“Now that’s the right idea, m’lady!”  Khadijah pronounced with a declaration fit for the Sultan himself.  “And you are coming around to this right attitude at just the right time!”  Before I could wonder what was what, I felt the tiny tug of my earlobes and hair as the little ladies commenced dragging their needlework masterpiece to the top of my head.  “What on earth,” I cried, “ladies, I get that you are way into your needlepoint, but why are you climbing up there?”  At this point, a humming, swooning honey-like sound began to ooze from my purse, and I realized that the little ladies of the dancing girl chorus were repelling out of my bag and up to the top of me by any means necessary.  Clearly, this was a lady puppet revolution.   Transfixed as if an insect that has given up on being caught in a spider’s web, I waited and watched. Even Karagöz was mesmerized.

An example of silvery Ottoman-style embroidery from http://www.marlamallett.com/turkish.htm

Slowly-by-slowly a thin, silvery-smooth embroidered lacy film dropped down over my body.  I felt the cooling of it’s touch, it’s protection still keeping me warm, I felt the pleasant glow of healthy skin augmented by sparkle and glitter.  Raising my arm, I marvelled at the intricate bird and flower designs that were melding to my skin as the material seemed to magically emblazon itself all around me like cling-film.  “Your question, m’lady,” Khadijah whispered, “was to burqini or not burqini. So, we made you a magic, invisible burqini that will lift your spirits, enhance your sparkle, glitter your twitter and inure you to further catty comments from the swim parade on cement beach.”  Here you have it, a burqini on your own terms.  Walk with your head held high, and the confidence within that you know you deserve.  Do not fall prey to the ladies of the day, they will get all they deserve in good time.”

Alighting the car, I felt the glow of feeling-good-in-my-bones throughout me, as if an aura of well-being had descended, and indeed, I think it had.  “My, my,” M.’s sister in law said, “you look really beautiful tonight!” Clearly, something had shifted.  For the first time, M.’s sister and I took a long walk that night, sharing stories and listening to the sea.  It was a sea change.

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‘Burqini’ street theatre vs. the ‘skinny bitch’ hegemony: Part II


Typical beach umbrellas in Turkey (photo by Magnus Rosendahl, taken in Antalya, Turkey)

When I last left you, I was on my way to Kos Island, in Greece and, more importantly, was in the midst of a détente with Kenne and the chorus of dancing shadow puppet ladies, who vehemently opposed my plan to attach cement beach with burqini-based street theatre in protest of the anti-tall-thick-girl sentiments expressed there.  M. and his brother were verbally cavorting away, deconstructing all of the Galatasaray-Fenerbahce news of the day, and I was trying  not to get sucked into the lady-like non-burqini street-theatre argument going on around me.  I was feeling more and more like I should trash my plans – but not for the right reasons – to be a ‘good lady’ vs. being ok with myself.

Karagöz, thank goodness, showed up just as we took the right turn into the Şehir Merkezi (city center).  He was immediately surrounded by the ladies, who made an uncharacteristic non-moon-dance-inspired exit from the purse to surround him with their verbal lady-toned protest.  I felt in that moment that he was there to save the day – my fervor for the burqini was renewed before he even said a word, I knew he would be on my side.  “She is an agent provocateur, she is! You cannot change her mind, nor her character!”  Pointing upwards with the spirit of true correctness in his soul, Karagöz’s pointer finger extended towards the heavens as if it were a combination of Jack in the Beanstock and Pinocchio all in one.  I had forgotten his silly-putty body-stretching skills, and wished I had a few of those myself for the swim parade on cement beach, that would show them!

Dispensing with the pointing and re-engaging in his usual speaking-while-twirling stance, a significant feat for a miniscule waxy-paper puppet, Karagöz giggled with abandon and began the nonsense-rhyming that he uses when he is really, really worked up about something.  “The idea is superb, shock them with burqini reverb, they’ll think you’re smoking the good ol’ herb, they’ll make your actions into a verb!” The din from his insane rhyming and spinning crowded out the protests of the cluck-clucking and tut-tutting ladies with Kenne as ringleader.  I re-commenced reveling in this burqini-involved street theatre fantasy and decided to ignore the puppets for the time being.

As M.’s brother dropped us near the harbor, I set my protest-vision aside for the time being.  The ladies made their presence known as my purse bounced its way through the crowds of day-long-visa purchasers and onto the ferry, which was rocking from side to side in the water.  M. plopped down beside me at one of the stationary tables on the deck, and without hesitation, I revealed my idea.  His first reaction can only be described as one of pure horror.  “You are not serious,” he said, taking his glasses off quickly and wiping his brow, “are you?”

Sitting forward in my ready-to-convince mode, I worked on a parallel to explain my idea.  “I thought it might be a little bit like the ACT-UP protests around access to HIV medication in the late 1980s and early 1990s, you know, everyone shows up to the protest and simultaneously reveals their pink triangle t-shirts? You know, shock value?”  The parallel took a nose dive, as M.’s blank face reminded me that he had never heard of all of this, as he had lived in Turkey until 1993.  The high-speed ferry began to pull out of the dock and an elderly lady next to us almost fell down.  M. gallantly caught her mid-fall, before delivering her to the safe hands of what must have been a son or nephew.

As he returned to our spot, I realized that I needed to be taking a different tact.  M. just sat, defeated, looking at me, mouth agape.  I began the process again, “um, imagine their shock and awe when I emerge from the changing room in my burqini?  They wouldn’t know what to do with themselves!” I forced a laugh – hoping it would catch on like wildfire.  I had counted on M.’s counter-cultural stance, anti-etiquette bias and general embrace of shock value.  This was, after all, a man who loved to do anything that was NOT expected of him in social settings and prides himself on this.  Given that I am way more etiquette-interested than this man, I thought for sure he would be in on this plan.  I was surprised to find this was not so.

I heard the sounds of Karagöz cracking up, and I could see Karagöz spinning with laughter, waiting with bated breath with each spin to see what M. would do or say next.  “Brilliant,” he cried, “you are a genius!  You have even stumped the master trickster, this M. fellow of yours.”  Solemn now, as if grey clouds inhabited his usually firm sparkle, I realized that M. was somehow sad all of a sudden.  All M. said was “I support you in whatever you need to do, if you really feel you must put on a burqini, then fine, but I think you are just great as you are.  Who cares what they do or say? Why do you care so much? Why do ladies check each other out so much, I mean, really?  Who cares?”  Slumping back into the hard but smooth plastic chair rooted to the floor, he began massaging his temples with a fury.  “My eyes hurt, I am getting sick, maybe it was a breeze last night from the window on my neck, but I should not have brought you here, it is too much for you, this locked-community scene, all of these rich skinny ladies, this is not the place for us.  It is my fault you are feeling this way.    Um, by the way, don’t you worry that you would get carried away by a current in all of that material if we were out floating far from the cement beach? I mean, really?”

My mental balloon, buoyed by my excited idea about the burqini, was losing steam – and fast.  I could see that I had not successfully appealed to M.’s usually flamboyantly-resistant, favoring the trouncing of tradition side that I had counted on.  He has always bucked tradition.  As a child, he waged epic battles around his father’s insistence that he wear short pants given that so many around him did not have the funds for fine clothes.  Deeply sensitive to this, the fight against the short pants still dominates his clothing choices – which hail towards threadbare, soft cotton t-shirts, worn-in jeans and generally dressing completely down.  Dressing in any way shape or form that is for someone else’s pleasure, unless he is 100% ok with it, is not ok with him.  It is a bone of contention in our relationship that has started to soften some on my front, but we were just at the beginning of that journey at the time of the events written about here, which shall be chronicled elsewhere.

That day, as we sped along towards the gated compound outside of Bodrum, I decided to change the topic – and made my maiden voyage of tea-ordering in Turkish.  M. revived a bit with this event, and with the tea. As I practiced my verb conjugation out-loud with M., with much hilarity on his part, the high-speed ferry bounced along towards Greece, making the unfamiliar sounds of Turkish words bounce in my throat.  My grand plans for burqini street theatre slipped away bit by bit into the trembling waters around the boat streamed off across the Aegean.  In my meta-mind, above the Turkish lesson conversation, I felt myself getting closer to my more self-esteem-builder-oriented feminist roots – of being who you are, not being a slave to fashion or the unhealthy messages poured down upon women by the beast of dominant society media.  Perhaps it was all of the stolid tourists around me, including an embarrassing gaggle of somewhat sneaker-loaded and loud ugly Americans combined with beer-drinking Germans to boot.  Perhaps it was just getting away from the cement beach scene.  “I don’t need to do this burqini thing, I just need to be me,” I thought…and then….I saw the lady emerge from the ferry bathroom in her burqini – ready for the beach on Kos Island, I thought…hmmmm (to be continued)…

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